Your Movie Sucks

We own many Roger Ebert movie books.  One of our favorite Ebert books is Your Movie Sucks.  The opening section of the book talks about Ebert and the movie Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo.  This includes Ebert’s infamous review of that Rob Schneider movie that ended with this line…. “Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.”  See the full story here.

So when we got the idea to list the 50 worse ranked films in our 30,346 movie database…we struggled with a title for the page.  In the end we decided to go with the pretty simple title…Your Movie Sucks which is also a shout out to our favorite movie critic…Roger Ebert.  4 of our 50 are actually listed in Ebert’s book:  2000’s Battlefied Earth, 2002’s Swept Away, 2002’s Rollerball and 2005’s Dirty Love.

Ultimate Move Rankings (UMR) uses a math equation to rank movies.  Our equation uses three things:  Box office results (30% of the equation), critic and audience reviews (46% of the equation) and award recognition (24% of the equation).  Normally we concentrate on the movies that did the best in these three categories….well in this page we are looking at the movies that did the worst in these three categories.

Christian Slater’s Alone In The Dark has the worst combination of box office grosses, reviews and award recognition.

UMR’s 50 Worst Movies Can Be Ranked 6 Ways In This Table

The really cool thing about this table is that it is “user-sortable”. Rank the movies anyway you want.

  • Sort UMR’s 50 Worst movies by UMR subjects that got movie into our database
  • Sort UMR’s 50 Worst movies by stars of movie
  • Sort UMR’s 50 Worst movies by adjusted domestic box office grosses using current movie ticket cost (in millions)
  • Sort UMR’s 50 Worst movies by adjusted domestic box office grosses using current movie ticket cost (in millions)
  • Sort UMR’s 50 Worst movies how they were received by critics and audiences.  60% rating or higher should indicate a good movie
  • Sort UMR’s 50 Worst movies by Ultimate Movie Rankings (UMR) Score.  UMR Score puts box office, reviews and awards into a mathematical equation and gives each movie a score.
RankMovie (Year)UMR Link PageStars of MovieDomestic B.O. Actual (mils.)Domestic B.O. Adjusted (mils.)Critic Audience RatingUMR Score
Alone in the Dark (2005)Video Game MoviesChristian Slater$5.18$6.8011.00%6.22
Crossover (2006)Sports MoviesAnthony Mackie$7.01$9.0010.50%6.33
Who's Your Caddy? (2007)Sports MoviesBig Boi$5.71$7.0012.00%6.72
Ghosts Can't Do It (1990)Anthony QuinnBo Derek$0.06$.1016.00%7.56
Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas (2014)Razzie Winner MoviesKirk Cameron$2.78$2.9015.00%7.56
House of the Dead (2003)Video Game MoviesErica Durance$10.25$14.3012.00%7.86
Dirty Love (2005)Razzie Winner MoviesJenny McCarthy$0.04$0.0417.00%8.01
BloodRayne (2006)Video Game MoviesBen Kingsley$2.41$3.1016.50%8.24
Gigli (2003)Ben Affleck & Al PacinoChristopher Walken$6.09$8.5015.50%8.67
Leonard Part 6 (1987)Razzie Winner MoviesBill Cosby$4.62$10.0016.00%9.12
Deadfall (1993)Michael Biehn & Nicolas CageJames Coburn$0.02$0.0219.50%9.18
Swept Away (2002)Razzie Winner MoviesMadonna$0.60$0.9019.50%9.34
Daddy-O (1958)John WilliamsDick Contino$0.30$4.2018.50%9.35
Supercross (2005)Sports MoviesMichael Vogel$3.10$4.1018.50%9.38
Steel (1997)Marvel MoviesShaq$1.71$3.1019.50%9.64
Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, An (1998)Razzie Winner MoviesRyan O'Neal$0.05$0.1021.00%9.90
Piranaha II: The Spawning (1981)James CameronLance Henriksen$0.39$1.2021.00%10.06
Bucky Larsons: Born To Be A Star (2011)2011 MoviesNick Swardson$2.53$2.7020.50%10.11
Mars Needs Women (1966)Science Fiction MoviesTommy Kirk$0.10$0.8021.50%10.22
Getting Away with Murder (1996)Jack LemmonDan Aykroyd$0.20$0.4022.00%10.40
Lonely Lady, The (1983)Razzie Winner MoviesPia Zadora$1.22$3.3021.50%10.76
In the Name of the King (2008)Video Game MoviesJason Statham$4.78$5.6021.00%10.78
Meet The Blacks (2016)2016 MoviesMike Tyson$9.10$9.1020.00%10.88
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)Science Fiction MoviesGlenville Mareth$0.50$4.5022.00%11.04
Double Dragon (1994)Video Game MoviesRobert Patrick$2.34$4.8022.00%11.08
Fifty Shades of Black (2016)2016 MoviesMarlon Wayans$11.69$11.7020.00%11.26
Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)Stephen KingMatt Frewer$2.41$4.6022.50%11.29
Cookout, The (2004)Sports MoviesQuran Pender$11.81$16.0019.00%11.41
National Lampoon's Movie Madness (1982)Richard WidmarkDiane Lane$0.06$0.2024.50%11.54
Rollerball (2002)Science Fiction MoviesChris Klein$18.99$27.6015.50%11.56
Battlefield Earth (2000)John TravoltaBarry Pepper$21.47$33.6013.00%11.65
Battle of the Year (2013)2013 MoviesJosh Holloway$8.89$9.2021.50%11.68
Bolero (1984)Razzie Winner MoviesBo Derek$8.91$22.4017.00%11.68
Amityville 3-D (1983)Meg RyanTony Roberts$6.33$16.9019.50%11.78
Getaway (2013)2013 MoviesEthan Hawke$10.47$10.9021.50%11.85
Undiscovered (2005)Carrie FisherKip Pardue$1.07$1.4025.00%11.97
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)Razzie Winner MoviesSharon Stone$5.97$7.7023.00%12.07
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)Razzie Winner MoviesLindsay Lohan$7.50$9.2022.50%12.07
Solo (1996)Science Fiction MoviesMario Van Peebles$5.11$9.7022.50%12.08
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)Video Game MoviesChris Klein$8.74$9.8022.50%12.10
Hercules Goes To New York (1970)Arnold SchwarzeneggerArnold Stang$1.14$6.2024.00%12.24
Extraordinary Seaman, The (1969)David Niven & Mickey RooneyFaye Dunaway$.86$5.1024.50%12.30
Paranoia (2013)Harrison Ford & Gary OldmanLiam Hemsworth$7.39$7.7024.00%12.52
Ed (1996)Sports MoviesMatt LeBlanc$4.42$8.4024.00%12.58
Norm Of The North (2016)Computer Animated MoviesRob Schneider$17.06$17.1021.00%12.60
Gas (1981)Donald SutherlandSterling Hayden$2.87$8.7024.00%12.63
Darkness, The (2016)2016 MoviesKevin Bacon$10.75$10.8023.00%12.68
Movie 43 (2013)Dennis Quaid & Hugh JackmanKate Winslet$8.84$9.2024.00%12.80
Doogal (2006)Chevy ChaseWhoopi Goldberg$7.42$9.5024.00%12.82
Can't Stop The Music (1980)Razzie Winner MoviesVillage People$4.65$15.1022.50%12.92

Hard to believe….but yes….a James Cameron movie is ranked as one of the worst movies.

We are sure there are worst movies than the ones listed…..but right now these are the ones that are in our database.  As our database expands….we are sure that movies like Can’t Stop The Music, Doogal  and Movie 43 will fall off this list.  We will try and update this page every year as new movies get ranked at UMR.com

For You Classic Movie Fans….Here Are The Worst Ranked Movies By Year 1940 – 1949

  • Murder in the Clouds (1940) starring Ronald Reagan
  • Play Girl (1941) starring Kay Francis
  • I Was Framed (1942) starring Tod Andrews
  • Ghosts on the Loose (1943) starring Leo Gorcey
  • Nevada (1944) starring Robert Mitchum
  • West of the Pecos (1945) starring Robert Mitchum
  • Magnificent Doll (1946) starring Ginger Rogers & David Niven
  • Honeymoon (1947) starring Shirley Temple
  • An Innocent Affair (1948) starring Fred MacMurray
  • Port of New York (1949) starring Yul Brynner

16 thoughts on “Your Movie Sucks

  1. Nice to see the Donald on this list, to bad double dragon made this list, one of my favorites! And Ed is a classic.

    1. Hey Scotty…..thanks for stopping by. I figured you would not be happy to see “your” Double Dragon on the list. Watching you and Bryan playing Double Dragon was way more entertaining than that movie. If you think Ed is a classic…we need to look that word up….because one of his does not understand what it means…lol.

        1. Sorry Bryan.Your comment came across as Anonymous….and I guessed the wrong kid. My huge error has been fixed.

  2. Hi

    I can gladly say I haven’t seen one movie on this list. I remember Bolero with Bo Derek being released in the 80s and it got awful reviews! It didn’t do her career much good either.
    It’s funny that there’s film some critics would rave over but for a lot of the general public, it would put them to sleep.
    Last year I persuaded my family to watch 45 Years because Charlotte Rambling had been nominated. What I had to listen to from my family, they thought it was the worst film ever, painful viewing!
    I also remember my friend first seeing Titanic and they thought it was hopeless so I suppose it’s all down to taste. But let’s face it, every star has made a bad movie.
    Some more than others of course/

    1. Hey Chris…thanks for checking out my second page on bad movies (Razzie winners was the first). After Bo’s success in 10….I wanted to see Bolero….but after about 15 minutes I had seen enough….bad and boring and Bo did not help.

      I have seen 45 Years…it is a decent movie….but not one I would have picked for the family….I can see why they are fussing about your pick. I am surprised they did not enjoy Titanic….back then almost everybody loved that movie.

      I agree 100%….no matter how great a star is…..they will always have a movie at the bottom of their rankings..it is just the nature of the beast…thanks for sharing your thoughts on bad movies.

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